


just a ball when we're together

by warlockdisco



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, and how to help him, and snufkin tries to figure out why, moomin is sad, other characters mentioned but not enough to tag them, surface level metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 13:35:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18801376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warlockdisco/pseuds/warlockdisco
Summary: A sense of awkwardness filled the air between the two as neither of them spoke. If Snufkin didn’t care for his best friend immensely, the silence would have been his cue for a clean exit. Instead, he continued to sit there, trying to think of how to clear things up. It was obvious to him that something was on Moomintroll’s mind.





	just a ball when we're together

**Author's Note:**

> title is a lyric from [Free by Ryn Weaver](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7vBB1G_kWc). I highly recommend it! 
> 
> "Not a ball or a chain, just a ball when we're together"
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy this

“Say, Snufkin,” Moomin started, breaking his best friend away from the view of the valley. The two were seated side by side on a hill with a particularly nice vantage point. It was a beautiful day and the pair spent most of it just watching the world.

Snufkin shifted slightly to face Moomin and gave a small hum, urging him to continue.

“If you were a plant, where would you want to be planted?” he asked with a look on his face that Snufkin registered as a mix between curiosity and worry.

“Hm, that’s an interesting question, Moomin. I suppose Moominvalley is a nice place for plants. They all seem to do quite well despite the floods,” Snufkin answered truthfully. “Plants don’t usually get a choice in where they’re rooted though. Nature picks it for them.”

Moomin nodded. “I suppose that’s true.”

A sense of awkwardness filled the air between the two as neither of them spoke. If Snufkin didn’t care for his best friend immensely, the silence would have been his cue for a clean exit. Instead, he continued to sit there, trying to think of how to clear things up. It was obvious to him that something was on Moomintroll’s mind.

He could see it in the blue eyes that seemed to stare right past him and the uncomfortable expression on Moomin’s snout. Snufkin heard it in his voice as well, tense and full of worry. It felt wrong to see Moomin in such a state and not try to help.

Snufkin knew that a large portion of the folk in Moominvalley, as well as some other locations, considered him to be wise. He never denied it, rather he asserted that he could only speak out of experience and observation. Of course, some of his more business-minded acquaintances over the years had tried to convince him into starting a fortune-telling service. Snufkin always said he’d consider it, if only to get them to stop speaking.

This was a special type of situation that Snufkin found to be tricky. Moomintroll had been Snufkin’s best friend for ages by now, but Snufkin still lacks in his ability to read him. It couldn’t be completely surprising, as he knew that total understanding between two people was rare, if not unheard of. Still, the guilt inside of him had started to fester as he thought of what to say. 

“So, what brought that question to the front of your mind?” Snufkin asked with an uncharacteristic amount of awkwardness filling his voice. 

“Oh, I was helping Mamma in the garden yesterday, so I’ve been thinking about plants quite a bit,” Moomin answered right away, noticeably shifting where he sat. 

Despite his inability to read minds, Snufkin was well aware of Moomin’s more obvious tells. The answer has been rehearsed in his friend’s mind long before Snufkin had even asked. He’d have to dig deeper in order to break this. 

“Gardening is a very nice hobby. If Moominmamma ever needs extra help, feel free to let me know. I’d be happy to help out,” Snufkin offered, still formulating his next attempt to get Moomin talking.

“Thanks, Snufkin. I’m sure Mamma will really appreciate it,” he said back, with a nearly normal voice. Once the sentence was through, however, Snufkin caught sight of the distress returning to Moomin’s face.

“So, where would you want to be planted, Moomin?” Snufkin probed, hoping for his friend to open up further. 

Moomin’s ears twitched and he uttered another planned response. “I think I’d much like to be a potted plant.”

Silence had once again made its way into the space between them. It was the perfect opportunity for Snufkin to decipher what exactly was bothering Moomintroll. 

Snufkin knew that plants, when potted, lost some potential for growth. The soil of the earth was much more spacious and kind to roots. This couldn’t be why Moomin wanted to be a potted plant. It wouldn’t make any sense; he was perhaps one of the most adventurous of those raised in the valley.

It took a few moments of remembering potted plants he had come across over the course of his travels, but something in Snufkin clicked. 

“Ah, a sort of symbiotic companionship. The Moomintroll plant would get care in exchange for the benefits of owning the plant. Like having herbs in the kitchen, or flowers in a front room,” Snufkin thought out loud. 

The small smile that crossed Moomin’s snout reassured Snufkin that he had said the right thing. This was a start, but Snufkin still had the task of figuring out why Moomin had been troubled by this. 

“Do you think a Moomin plant would fit in my tent?” Snufkin asked with a playful curiosity that he hoped would bring Moomin’s thoughts further out of his shell. He stopped himself from actually imagining keeping his best friend as a houseplant, mentally scolding himself for suggesting such a ridiculous idea.

“I guess that would depend on the size of the pot,” Moomin answered, staring down at his own paws. “Tell me, how does a Snufkin flower planted in Moominvalley fair in the winter? They can’t exactly hibernate can they…”

Again, as Moomin trailed off, the undercurrent of the conversation hit Snufkin. A wave of mutual understanding had just washed over him. All of his willpower in that moment went into keeping his composure. Snufkin replayed Moomin’s words in his mind a few times, waiting for something to stick out, something to keep the conversation flowing.

“What makes you think a Snufkin plant is a flower?” he asked back, unable to stop the curious smile from forming on his own face.

Anyone would have been able to pinpoint the exact moment Moomin realized just what he had said. The blush that had started creeping out through his fur and the paws frantically attempting to hide said blush were more than enough. Not to mention the “I, um, uh” repeatedly falling from his mouth, as Moomin searched his flustered brain for an excuse.

Snufkin didn’t really understand the significance of Moomin’s hiding. He genuinely found it interesting that his best friend thought of him like a flower. This uncommon perception of him made him feel light in his chest, especially since it was Moomin saying it.

Gently, Snufkin took one of the paws covering Moomin’s face into his own. He felt Moomin’s grip soften and pulled the paw down. The other arm fell to Moomin’s side unceremoniously, as he had given up trying to hide. He refused to make eye contact with Snufkin though, a clear sign of embarrassment.

Tightening the grip on his best friend’s paw reassuringly, Snufkin took a breath, gathering up the courage to speak. “What’s really troubling you, love? Whatever it is, I want to sit through it by your side. If it’s something I can help with, I’d be happy to.”

The blush on Snufkin’s face began long before he had finished talking. Now, in the silence he felt it burning his face. He hadn’t meant to call Moomin a pet name, not out loud at least.

When Moomintroll finally turned to face him, the bright blue eyes were brimming with tears. “Oh Snufkin, it’s so difficult. It’s not fair for me to ask you to stay and it’s not fair for you to ask me to leave with you.”

Snufkin shifted even closer to Moomin. He took his free paw and wiped the tears off of Moomin’s face. Things rarely turned out to be fair in Snufkin’s experience, but it wasn’t what his friend needed to hear.

“You’re right, Moomin, it wouldn’t be fair to either of us,” Snufkin said reassuringly. “Why are you convinced those are the only options?”

“I just can’t stand to be apart from you, Snufkin. Anytime I wake up during the winter, I’m painfully aware of your absence. Even spending time with you during the rest of the year hurts, because I know you’ll be leaving soon.”

Moomin was crying harder now. Snufkin could feel the tears run down to his paw, soaking the fur on Moomin’s snout. 

“Hm, I can see what you’re saying Moomin. I must admit that I miss you throughout the winter as well,” Snufkin offered, rubbing his paw in small circles across Moomintroll’s snout. It was then that he remembered he had a piece of proof that could help calm his friend down.

He took his paw off of Moomin’s face, dried it on his pants, and fished through his clothes until he produced a worn, old photograph. It was from a few summers back when Moomin’s friends had found a camera while exploring. After figuring out how it worked, they had set up a few group photos, most of which still occupied various frames in Moominhouse. 

This shot was different. Moominhouse stood tall in the background of the photograph, with the forefront full of chaos. Moominpappa had fallen down and lost his hat, likely due to the blur of Moomintroll and Little My chasing each other. Off to the side, Moominmamma could be seen hanging up the laundry with Snorkmaiden. It was a beautiful, lively image.

Snufkin wasn’t the type to hold onto things, preferring the experience to the souvenir, but this photograph was his favorite possession by far. If it came down to it, Snufkin would even lose his hat to get the photo back. All sense of practicality fades from him when he sets his eyes on the familiar scene. 

He handed the picture to Moomin. “I took this a few years back with that old camera.”

“Oh,” was all Moomin said as he considered the photograph in his paw. Moomin’s other paw pulled out of Snufkin’s grip. 

Snufkin watched anxiously as Moomintroll lightly dusted his freed paw over the photo. The look on Moomin’s face softened. A smile replaced the straining frown that had been holding back sobs. Tears were still running down his face, but the eyes were back to a magnetizing, relaxed blue. 

Wordlessly, Moomin gave the photograph back. Snufkin was quick to pocket it, glad that Moomin hadn’t turned it over to see the word “Home” scrawled across the back. That was a secret for another time, or perhaps never. Everyone was entitled to have their secrets and Snufkin intended to keep most of his.

Snufkin took one of his sleeves up to Moomin’s face, attempting to dry the tear stained fur. He tried to dry in soothing circles without further irritating Moomin’s eyes. Satisfied with his work, Snufkin sat back down beside Moomintroll, once again taking his best friend’s paw.

“I’ve always been afraid that you won’t come back one year,” Moomin said, his voice low and raw from crying. “One year I’ll just keep waiting for you, but you won’t be coming. You’ll have moved on.”

Snufkin sighed and squeezed Moomin’s paw. “I am a traveler at heart. I’ve always believed in preserving my own freedom above all else, but no one can stick to their ideals in every situation.”

This wasn’t easy for Snufkin to talk about. His heart had been muddled with conflict for a long time. He didn’t want to admit how attached he was to Moomin. The very idea seemed to go against the philosophy he abides by. Then again, he considered that this very philosophy might have been restricting him from expressing his true self.

Snufkin shifted closer to his best friend and Moomin took it as a cue to lean on him. 

“Moomin, each year I return because I am free to. I choose to spend this time with you because I love you. I can’t break myself of my nature, which also means I can’t stop myself from coming back to you,” Snufkin said cautiously. He expected his sudden vulnerability to hurt, but the pain never came. 

He felt okay. Snufkin had spilled some of his most personal issues out into the air where anyone could hear, but he wasn’t concerned. Instead, he felt security in the form of Moomintroll’s weight and rhythmic breathing. 

“I love you too, Snufkin,” Moomin answered with a yawn, his voice clearly indicating how much the emotional event had taken out of him.

The words caught Snufkin off guard. Even with all of the sentiments that had been exchanged that afternoon, he really hadn’t expected Moomin to say that.

“Let’s take a nap,” Snufkin suggested, tipping his hat to cover his blushing face. It was a brilliant idea, to cure Moomin’s exhaustion and hide his own embarrassment. 

Moomin yawned in agreement, squeezing Snufkin’s paw with his own.

A heavy warmth had settled into Snufkin’s stomach. It wasn’t the same as the warmth from eating a home cooked meal, and it certainly wasn’t the hot, restless, crawling feeling he felt on his skin when he needed to get away. This was different, and in an instant he had decided that he liked it.

Leaning back into the grass alongside Moomin, he took a deep breath, and let himself truly feel it.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. I really appreciate it
> 
> I hope it wasn't painfully obvious how unfamiliar I am with moomin canon
> 
> not sure why I always end up writing angst without meaning to
> 
> [tumblr](https://warlockdisco.tumblr.com/)


End file.
